I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
