The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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