How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
