oh god the rape fog is back!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
