Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
