you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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