I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
