Your dad touched me again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
