You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
