I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
