Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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