I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
