I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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