i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
