you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
