sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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