gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
