I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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