Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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