I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
