carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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