i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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