Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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