I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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