I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
