i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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