I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
