Yo dont text me then not text me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
