He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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