just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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