i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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