How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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