I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
