she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
