he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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