The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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