he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
