ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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