please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
