I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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