I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
