4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
