never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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