oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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