Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
