nutella sex= disaster
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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