I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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