i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
