I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
