Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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