I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
