what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
