god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
