Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
