I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
