Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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