You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
