I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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